every time i come here, its like i return to the past to the beginning, 8 years ago where it all started. I want to cut the strings, but i cant. I want to forget and move on, but it is all brought back to life, when i return. I wanna tell you the story, but im scared of how you will look at me after. Even though i think that deep down, to a certain degree you know, but its hard for you to except. Im scared that if i open up, you will think that i am weak and damaged, and you will run. So I put a fasade on it, I smile and say that everything is fine, when actually its not, it never was.
Im not blaming you, but in a way I can never forgive, it scarred me and made me who I am today, for better or for worse. And it feels like something is holding me back, physically and I cant leave the past. Because the past is the present when i return. And the future will be the past if i dont move on. I know that you did your best and I know that it wasnt easy, but to be choosen away, is not easy for a child to face. Just know that the mistakes you made, will never be repated by me. I learned from your mistakes, and it shaped me into becoming the person I am today.